The waiting room..

It's been 3 months since my last post and im sure you thought Id given up on this thing :) We've really been on hold waiting for the closing on our house and there hasn't  been much to report... Well so I thought. Gosh it's hard when you're in the waiting room. You're anxious, not sure how long you'll be there, and staring at the door waiting for an answer. I've come to realize how hard it is to accomplish anything else when you're in the 'waiting room'. Waiting has never been my strong point, in fact most of the time its my down fall. Its so easy to begin to question everything when you are in waiting. We never imagined it would take nearly 5 months to close on our house. It has stressed us, stretched us, and strengthened us and all of those come with so many emotions. Im so thankful God's hand has been in every part of this. I think I would've given up by now. I think Im just starting to feel that fatigue that conveniently sets in just as the finish line is in sight! Sometimes Every time God calls you to something you will more than likely find resistance. (the enemy specializes in this) You will find yourself questioning if you even heard Him right. Selling our house was one of the hardest things I've done so far. So personal, and so painful. But why? It's just a house. I realized how much that house had represented "the promised land" to me. We've made it through so much in our 10 years of marriage, hanging on to every shred of hope that God would bring our dreams to pass. God had fulfilled the dream to own our first home and had brought us to it and we couldn't have been more thankful for that. Walking away from it was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. I believed ,when I accepted this direction, that I had the faith to carry me through the emotions. As it turns out I'm delusional lol! Maybe part of God drawing us to this new life is to increase my faith?  I can't help but recall a Joyce Meyer lesson on when God is bringing you to/through something it's like being in labor. The idea to get out of debt and change our lives was exciting, much like deciding to have another baby. The preparation begins and things sail smoothly for a while. But when that blessing begins to come forth the struggle begins. Transition is the most difficult part of labor. It's when you push away the ones you love and blame them for your suffering. When you scream out, "take this from me, I don't want it!"  And many other horrible things I pray The Lord overlooks in those moments (lol) You truly almost give up just as that new life slips from your body and into your arms. Just like that, you are basking in the presence of your blessing. But why is it so hard to forget this when you're going through it?  Am I really losing it only 5 months in? After dumping my feelings on my sister in law and getting a stern reminder of what I'm truly lacking right now (some Jesus!) I turned on some Rita Springer and slipped out to the front porch. As she sang, 
"I have to believe that He sees my darkness,
  I have to believe He knows my pain.
  I have to lift up my hands to worship,
  Worship His name"

 I collapsed on the steps and finally was able to sob before my savior. This was the first time I had let myself really cry over this. His presence was absolute healing to my soul and rejuvenation to my body. How could I have forgotten that He was here all along, waiting for me to just rest in Him. I realized that I have taken my eyes off Him and have been relying on myself for reassurance.  

    The unknown is so hard and letting go is so scary. I'm so grateful for a Father that goes before me but I need to realize that He's not leading me through an open field but through the chaos of this life and if I take my eyes off Him for a second I can get lost in the craziness that surrounds me. 

Denial

So last week we read the the first and second chapter of The Total Money Makeover together. The first chapter was really a get-to-know-me  chapter showing you what the main focus is and also drilling your brain with the main motto "If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else". But as we sank into the second chapter I could feel a lump welling up in my throat (hmm, this was written for me). One of the first things it says is, "I'm not that out of shape". It starts out comparing your financial state to your physical reflection and image. This rang so clear and true to me because I struggle with an up and down weight and seem to either talk myself into believing it's not that bad or I justify how I got so out of shape (more than likely blaming someone else). It's the same way with our finances. We can sit and compare ourselves to others all day long and in some cases , make ourselves feel better. But we won't be able to begin to "trim the fat" until we acknowledge and accept how it got there in the first place. Ramsey's dad said to him many times, "90% of solving a problem is realizing there is one."  Now at first read of this I thought..well we know there's a problem.. We don't have an issue with denial.. So we can just move on..WRONG! So many money problems lie deep inside and hide in the most unsuspected places. Much like the comparison to weight loss. We feel so justified to say "well I had to eat that meal because someone made it for me" or "I will stop overeating after the holidays", "after vacation", "on January 1st".. I could go on and on. Well our money issues are so similar. How many times have I heard myself say, "well the kids have to have winter clothes" or "we really need this vacation" or "I'll cut up this card after Christmas" and  "this item is much cheaper if I order it online" ...you get where I'm going with this! If you don't do something about your eating and fitness habits you will gradually gain weight and with each passing year 1 pound becomes 30 and you're in over you head before you know it. Same goes for our spending habits. A $500 limit jumps magically to $1500 and one card becomes 3 and before you know it you're in over your head! I am totally preaching in the mirror right now. This chapter really slapped me around and made me realize that we don't need to just change the amount of debt we have but we need to completely change our way of thinking. Don't say,  "well we have to get the kids summer clothes and we need a tire so we will stop charging things after this" because that day will never come. Instead, we need to say, "Yes we need summer clothes but we don't have to complete our wardrobes today so we are going to start with shorts this paycheck and tackle shirts and swimsuits next paycheck." And maybe hit up the consignment shops before getting sucked in with the discounts and doorbuster sales. Now hear me with wisdom here, im not saying it's wrong to shop for nice things I'm just saying if you are in the same boat as us and searching for financial freedom, this is a good place to start trimming the fat. Every persons struggle is their own so examine your thought process when it comes to spending money and figure out how you can change your way of thinking. It will change your way of spending! I know this was a big wake up call for me this week. Selling our house and living all country like ain't gonna fix it (spoken in true country fashion). The real change will come when we take a look in the mirror, accept what we see, and do what it takes to change it.

Let me leave you with this story from the book:

"The story goes that if you drop a frog into boiling water, he will sense the pain and immediately jump out. However, if you put a frog in room-temperature water, he will swim around happily, and as you gradually turn the water up to boiling, the frog will not sense the change. We can lose our health, our fitness, and our wealth gradually one day at a time." 

 It's so easy to ease our way into debt and get comfortable with its effects on our lives. Much like the frog, little by little, we adapt to our ways and before we know it we're in too deep with no end in sight. I don't know about you but I'm hopping out of the pot now while I've still got a chance!!

Introduction

First off let me say that I am not a writer! You will find more grammatical errors in this than you can count! I have never been one to write, but I have so much to share and this is how I plan to do it.

Kevin and I recently decided to devote the next two years to obtaining financial freedom. I wanted to start a blog to share the ups, downs, ins and outs of this journey. I know, from personal experience, that much encouragement and inspiration can come from seeing first hand how someones life is changing. We plan to be very open and very transparent in the way we share with you. This is so very personal to us so please know that we share strictly to be an inspiration to you and also bring glory to God as He sees us through this.

So let me give you a little run down of how we came to this point. Sometime last year I was feeling such a pulling to drastically change our lives and once and for all pursue financial freedom. I mean, Ive always wanted to be debt-free but never bad enough to do whatever it takes. I've really felt convicted lately about the way we have been living and the way we are teaching our children to live. Rarely do we hit our knees in prayer for something. I mean, why do that when you can just charge it, right?! We have become so immune to 'sticker shock' and 'buyers remorse' simply because we live this "out of sight, out of mind" kinda life. Don't get me wrong, we don't buy everything we see and our children rarely get a toy outside of birthdays and holidays but something's gotta give and this way of life is unacceptable!

I really began to feel that God was leading us to sell our house and basically anything we didn't really "need". I know, it sounds crazy! For years we had prayed God would bless us with a house and now just 4 years after purchasing one..you want us to sell it? As the months went on God began to open doors for this plan to proceed. My parents graciously offered my grandmothers house for us to live in at nearly nothing a month, and more people than I can count have offered their time, skills, and prayers to help see us through this transition. 

We officially moved February 27th and 3 weeks in and we are settling nicely. Our house went on the market the 17th of March and by that evening it was under contract! Tell me that God is not in this! Step by step He has reminded us that He is in control and we remind ourselves daily to submit to His will.

I don't want to get too carried away for this to be my "introduction" but I just wanted to give you a glimpse into what this blog will be. We will reading and following Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and posting our thoughts, trials, and victories as we go. If you have the book follow along with us and lets encourage each other as we pack up and head out to the promised land! The land of financial FREEDOM! Always remember, freedom is never free and this will be one of the greatest challenges of our lives but by far one of the most rewarding.  Thanks for bearing with me as I yammered through my first blog post! 

*We just finished reading the first chapter so I will post my thoughts about that later this week (when its not midnight)!

"For we walk by faith, not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7